Act Naturally
by CrimsonObsession
Summary: -ToddKurt- Written for the Contrelamontre 'non-song songfic' challenge. Kurt's finding it hard to keep pretending...


-1/1/04 -3:30 am- Mmm, spending the wee hours of the first morning of the year writing ficcage...can't think of much things that're better than that ^_^.   
  
Title: Act Naturally  
  
Pairing: Todd/Kurt, mmmm....  
  
Additional Pairings: brief mentions of Scott/Jean, Lance/Kitty  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: Kurt's finding it hard to keep pretending...  
  
Author's Notes: Written for the Contrelamontre Livejournal's 'non-song songfic' challenge, in which we had to use lyrics from songs in the narration or dialogue of the fic. To the tune of Semisonic's 'Act Naturally', which I don't own either. Lyrics after the fic...  
  
Disclaimer: Closest-thing-to-bishounen-America's-got Kurt and the lovely and amazing Toad-Boy belong to Marvel, the WB, and probably bunches of other wonderful peoples. So do anyone else mentioned herein. I don't own them, I'm just a klepto who intends no harm and will return them when I'm done. Please dun hurt me.  
  
SLASH DISCLAIMER: This...is...SLASH. Ever seen Boy Meets Boy? That's what this is, only in this case it's Elf meets Toad. If the thought of boys loving boys (and kissing boys and touching boys etc. etc.) makes you make little sicky noises, you probably want to go somewhere else.  
  
_________  
  
It's tough to keep a secret. Especially one like this. When all you want to do is stand up in the middle of lunch and scream it at the top of your lungs; yeah, this just might be the kind of thing that you can't hide. Won't stop me from trying, though, as long as I can. No matter how it hurts, because letting it get out is gonna hurt so much worse.   
  
Hey, they could surprise me. Be all accepting, and happy that I'm happy, grateful that I've finally found something...someone worth loving. Yes. It could happen. It won't, but it could.   
  
An elf can dream, ja?  
  
No, no he can't. Not when those dreams entail such things...gold eyes, strong, wiry body, groping and fevered kisses snatched behind the gym, in the janitor's closet, in a darkened theater, on the roof of a beaten-down boarding house. It's getting so hard to be satisfied with so little... Nein. I was never satisfied. I took what I could get, and it's becoming so much harder...  
  
There he is. Slinking into the gym, flanked by his fellow misfits. Unassuming, unnoticed by everyone but us. Scott pauses in the monologue (it'll be another ten minutes before he realizes I'm not listening) that's been going on since we got here; his glare is physical, if not visible, and I feign my own as I watch Todd, framed in streamers and tainted by colored lights; red, green, blue, they dance over him, turning almost-white skin into some sort of bad trip out of a random seventies movie.   
  
The Brotherhood boys all relax against the gym wall for a moment, surveying the scene. Lance notices Scott, smirks and notices Kitty; he decides she's far more worthy of his attention, and crosses the gym to disappear with her into the crowd. If only Scott would follow... Pietro, never one to stay still for long, does his own disappearing act, last seen dragging some sophomore, not to mention her boyfriend, onto the 'dance floor'. Fred's lost to the world the minute he spies the concessions table.   
  
Not surprising that Todd's the only wallflower this time. He crouches down, hands behind his head, making himself comfortable and watching while seeming not to. The tracks switch to hip-hop, and he bobs his head slightly in time, eyes closed and a small smile crossing his lips.  
  
I smile back; it doesn't matter that he doesn't see. Scott pauses again to give me a funny look. Or, at least, what I assume is a funny look. Sometimes I wonder if he's not the only one who doesn't know. Everybody else must know, I can't believe I've kept this much off my face, managed to still the fidgeting in my hands, the nervous tremor in my voice. I'm not that good an actor. A lousy actor, in fact. Everybody knew when he walked into the room, they must have. It's why Rogue's staring at me, why Jean just flashed me that questioning glance. Everybody sees you taking control of me, and I don't think I can hide it any more. Don't know if I even want to.   
  
Amber and gold suddenly find me from across the floor. A quirked eyebrow, a quickly concealed smirk, a tongue slipping slowly over pale lips. I swallow, hard, and give thanks to the God of Baggy Pants. Todd cocks his head to the side, lets his eyes drift to the exit, and suddenly Scott's asking a question I don't hear and I have to remember how to ask, "What?"  
  
By the time he's repeated himself, twice, and I've finally fumbled out a suitable response, Todd's gone, and I'm finding great difficulty in convincing myself not to follow, to stand here and nod and act like I'm not just a fool for him. Don't let anybody know, they won't understand; how can they when we don't even understand it ourselves? If we can just...not give them anything that they can doubt. No secret smiles. No furtive glances across campus. Just till we get it figured out...  
  
I rattle off some excuse to Scott. He's not listening anyway, just mumbles something and continues to stare at Jean as she and Duncan dance. It's so easy to slip away, only Rogue bothers to stop me with a confused glance from her perch on the wall. I fake a toothy smile (it's become so easy, I've had a great deal of practice) and wave to her before slipping through the door.  
  
The hall on the other side is dark, and quiet. The pounding bass of the current, techno-flavored song is a muffled backdrop, feeling like cotton in my ears. Moonlight floods the floor beneath the few windows at the other end, white as skin. There's no one here. I creep forward, peering around the corners, taking a few steps down each branching hallway. The silence is starting to hurt.  
  
A sudden blow from the side, and I'm slammed against the lockers, shoulder connecting with a harsh metal bang. Something presses against me, hot and firm and eager; before I know it my back's to the lockers, my hands pinned above my head, my lips trapped by his. And oh god, it feels so good, so right, I want to scream 'Everybody, LOOK!' and bring them all in from their partying, and show them something real, and make them see him the way I do.   
  
Instead I moan into his mouth as his unique tongue wraps mine in warmth, his free hand starts to tickle up my side. My hips buck, and I feel his grin against my lips. My hands twitch irritably, unintentionally, clenching as they try to extricate themselves, but he won't let go; as much as I want to touch I can't break free, and I'm not begging for release. All I can do is gasp for breath when he finally relinquishes his hold on my lips, and squirm as his kisses travel lower, tease my neck, my collarbone. His warm tongue ruffles my fur, and I shudder, moisture gathering at the corner of my eye.  
  
"Stop."   
  
He looks up, fear and confusion writ large on his face. His hand doesn't leave my wrists. "What? What's wrong man? Did I do somethin'-"  
  
"What are we doing?"   
  
A nervous smile graces his warm lips, and he tries to play it off while staring at my cheek, where a wet trail has left my fur matted and itching. "Exercisin' our rights as horny teenage boys? What does it look like we're doin'?"   
  
I have to look away from the uncertainty in his eyes. "We can't keep this a secret much longer. Already I can't help believing they can read me like a book."  
  
He frowns, amber eyes darkening to the brown of burlap. "Yeah, well, our little problem doesn't seem to be about to go away, does it? Unless you want..."   
  
"No! Mein Gott, no. I can't give this..give you up. I just...I'm not ready. Not yet. And it's becoming so hard to be careful."  
  
His warm body presses against mine, free arm curling around my waist. I lay my chin on his head, and his hair tickles my nose. "Dawg, listen. I don't know what I should be doin'...but I'd do it if I could. You know that, right?"  
  
"Just be you." I smile, though I want to scream, because ourselves is the thing we're trying not to be. "Act naturally. Just be casual." He stirs, finally releasing my arms, which I wrap around him as he does to me. My cheek's wet again, and I bury my face in his shoulder, wiping it off. "I'm so sick of hiding."  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"When will it be time?"   
  
I wince at the whine in my voice, but he just holds me tighter, whispers softly, "Soon, yo. Very soon." And I believe him, am almost able to lose myself in his presence. We stand there for, I don't know how long, just holding on, until the bass is no longer muffled and the laughter and chatter of the dance heralds the end. And we look up to a slowly closing door, and the open-mouthed figure planted in front of it.  
  
"Scott?!"  
  
________  
  
-1/1/04 - 5:05a-m  
  
Our little secret just might be the kind of thing that you can't hide  
  
It's growing like a tangled vine and rising like a river in the tide  
  
And everybody knew when you walked into the room  
  
I was just a fool for you  
  
Nothing I could do  
  
And everybody sees you taking control of me  
  
I'm not begging for release  
  
I'm just begging darlin' please, please  
  
Act Naturally   
  
(Act naturally)  
  
Don't let our troubles show  
  
Don't let anybody know  
  
(Act naturally)  
  
Till we get it figured out  
  
Don't give them anything that they can doubt  
  
Our little problem doesn't seem to be about to go away  
  
As far as I can tell it's gonna keep on showing more with every day  
  
And everybody look  
  
Yeah, that was all it took  
  
I can't help believing they  
  
Can read me like a book  
  
So hide your feelings tight  
  
Till we figure how to make it right  
  
Don't know what I should but I'd do it if I could  
  
Act naturally  
  
(Act naturally)  
  
Just be beautiful  
  
Just be casual  
  
(Act naturally)  
  
I'll be me before the fall  
  
You be you before this all came down  
  
(Act naturally)  
  
Don't let our troubles show  
  
Don't let anybody know  
  
Till we get it figured out  
  
Don't give them anything that they can doubt  
  
Just be beautiful  
  
Just be casual  
  
I'll be me before the fall  
  
You be you before this all came down 


End file.
